Violence in college students dating relationships
Violence in college students dating relationships - Free sexlive zone
Below we’ve compiled some common questions we hear from survivors of abusive relationships, with responses from those of us who have been there.
As a survivor of dating violence, you have the same rights as survivors of other forms of gender-based violence on campus; you can learn more about them here.You can use whatever language you feel comfortable with to name or describe your experience; just know that your feelings are legitimate and valid, and that that’s what matters.When you doubt yourself, know that there are people who believe you and who are on your side.At the same time, abusers try to plant seeds of doubt in us to extend their control. There also may be people in your life who try to downplay your experience, which makes it more difficult for you to trust your gut feelings.Image credit: the Advocacy Center Know that the technical definition or perceived validity of your experience matter so much less than your feelings and reactions to the abuse.Some of us found ourselves missing our abusers: often the “highs” in a volatile relationship felt romantic and idyllic, or we felt completely alone/empty without them.
Eventually we came to recognize those “highs” as purposely orchestrated by our abusers to make up for past abuse and lull us back for future abuse. We were finally able to “break free” and you’re strong enough to do so too.
Of course, this sort of black-and-white logic can be hard to apply to your own intimate relationships.
If you find yourself censoring your partner’s behavior when recounting it for friends or family, this might be a sign that some part of you realizes your partner’s behavior is “wrong.” If you find yourself policing your own behavior when with your partner out of fear that they will be “upset” or “disappointed” with you for failing to live up to their (often ill-defined or volatile) expectations, this might help you identify ways in which the power balance in your relationship is unhealthy and skewed.
But your partner is ultimately responsible for making that happen, not you.
Giving your abuser a heads-up about your intention to leave will give him/her the chance to manipulate you into staying.
For some of us, leaving was a powerful way to regain control of our lives.